Who Wants To Sing?

Recently I wrote a parody. I have since lost the sheets, but it is committed to memory. I apologize to Gilbert and Sullivan. Here is my version of: I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General. (Look it up).

"I am the very model of a stone-ed individual,
I've information vegetable animal and herberal,
I know the weeds of worlds and can quote of pots historical,
From schwag and such to blueberry in order categorical

I am very well acquainted too with matters marijuanical,
I understand grow cycles both the simple and day/nightical,
About bong-hitting techniques I am teeming with a lotta news...

...lotta news... lotta news...Got It!

With many cheerful facts about how to make the bowl not loose!
(Chorus repeats this line 3 times)


I can tell the difference of weed from oregano,
I never get ripped off even by dealers I don't know,
In short in matters vegetable, animal, and herberal,
I am the very model of a stone-ed individual
(Chorus repeats last 2 lines)

I know pot's mythic history, famous users, and informants,
I stare at lava lamps for hours, I've a major taste for munchie snakes,
I can quote all the penalties for getting stoned,
by my state law knowledge I can shake any DA to the bone

I can tell undoubted Hindu Kush from Maple Leaf and Northern Lights,
I know too well the hacking cough and spinning head of being too high,

Then I can take a hit unlike any you have seen before.

seen before...seen before...Got It!
And exhale all the smoke in a way that you just can't ignore!
(Chorus repeats this line 3 times)

Then I can taste the colors of the music on my new i-Pod
And tell you every detail of how in life it's all so odd

In short in matters vegetable, animal, and herberal,
I am the very model of a stone-ed individual
(Chorus repeats last 2 lines)

In fact when I can know what is meant by blazing time and 4:20
When I can pack blindfolded a bowl or bong of gravity
When such affairs as police stings and bad bags I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "Hey let me hit that!"
When I know what progress has been made in modern strain-crossing
When I know more of growing than a Hippie who is "gardening"
In short, when I've a smattering of Rasta and of Bob Marley..
Oh dear...Ah HA! I have it!

You'll say a better individual has never smoked with me!
(Chorus repeats 3 times)

For my marijuana knowledge though I'm quite high and stoned totally,
has only been brought up to the beginning of the blunt rolling,

In short in matters vegetable, animal, and herberal,
I am the very model of a stone-ed individual
(Chorus repeats last 2 lines)